While it may be true that some people are simply more assertive than others, this doesn’t mean that assertiveness skills can’t be learned. Here are ten top assertiveness techniques that if practiced often will lead you towards becoming more assertive.
1. Distance and personal space
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No one likes someone else invading their space. It’s leading not to let someone you don’t know very well invade your space (known as passive aggressive behaviour and is a form of manipulation). You know when your space has been invaded because you’ll feel uncomfortable – it’s leading to set boundaries there and then, whether verbally or non-verbally, e.g stepping back to give yourself more space or using an additional one form of non-verbal assertive behaviour.
2. Good time management
Books have been written on this ‘subject’. Being consistently late for meetings or appointments nearly always points to a lack of self-worth. This also goes for giving other people too much of your time – to value one’s time is to value oneself.
3. Broken narrative Technique
Sometimes difficult to do but when used correctly the Broken narrative Technique can be very effective. You state clearly what you want (or don’t want) and when you meet with resistance repeat again and again and…A good time to use the Broken narrative Technique could be when a salesman calls and presses you for a sale, try something like “I’m not interested, thank you.” A disadvantage with the Broken narrative Technique is that the more you use it the weaker its succeed will be.
4. Disclosure
A disclosure can be very sufficient when you want to honest and upfront about something you feel the listener may not fully be aware of or understand. An example of this could be a someone who is a hard of hearing request the other someone to speak up a wee because they are a wee hard of hearing. It’s sometimes fantastic how much best you can feel when using the disclosure method, something that was once seen as a handicap can be seen in a more obvious light.
5. Fogging
You agree with your ‘critic’, and like a clear fog you let the comment go in straight through one ear and out the other. When someone criticizes you you agree by saying something like “You’re right, my dress doesn’t well match my purse,” or “You know, you probably have a point there, my hair is a wee messy, I like it this way though.” When you use the fogging technique it’s best to see all comment as feedback. You let it ride over you and don’t get complicated with what’s being said. It can be a fantastic way to defuse a verbal strike and shows your critic just how assertive you are.
6. Assert eye contact
Good eye sense does two things – it makes the listener feel that you respect them and it makes you look more obvious to the other person. Too much looking down or looking away will make you come across as whether nervous or worse still as if you don’t respect what the listener is saying. an additional one thing to remember is that too much eye sense and it may look as if you are staring them out and so can appear quite aggressive.
7. Stand upright
When you slouch you can appear less obvious to the observer, you may also appear lazy or shy. Of course, standing too erect and military-like, among other things will probably lead to an aching back. Stand upright and walk slowly when entering a room and you will look assertive.
8. Sit up
When you sit make sure you are sitting upright. Don’t cross you legs or fold your arms – two signs of nervousness. Sitting up makes you look more alert, concerned in the listener and appealing to the listener.
9. Active listening
Repeating briefly what the other someone has said when standard is a good assertiveness skill to learn. Make sure you keep it short and don’t interrupt the speaker when they’re in full flow. You can use phrases like “So if I’m hearing you correctly your view is…” or “So you’re saying… Is this correct?”
10. Tone of voice
When we are nervous we tend to speak higher, softer and quicker. If you have a tendency to speak fast in stressful situations then mentally counting to two each time before you speak will help. Taking a few deep breaths before you speak helps has a calming effect. If your voice tends to get higher pitched then imagining the sound coming out of your chest will help to keep it at a deeper tone manufacture you sound more confident.
Top Ten Assertiveness Techniques
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